Nigerian Fraud

[SuperNovaAO]

From: xxx
MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi
Government Complex Branch (Delma)In Tamm Center.
P.O.BOX xxx Abu-Dhabi, U.A.E
Email xxx

Dear Friend,

This letter must come to you as a surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. I am pleased to get across to you for a very urgent and profitable business proposal; I got your e-mail address through an internet yellow page web directory and decided to contact you and ask for your assistance in this urgent matter, requiring trust and confidentiality, I am Mr. xxx, the Branch manager, National Bank of Abu-Dhabi Government Complex Branch (Delma)In Tamm Center. Abu-Dhabi (U.A.E) United Arab Emirates, married with four children. I am writing this letter to ask for your support and co-operation to carry out this business opportunity in my department, On June 6, 1999, an America Oil consultant/contractor with Petroleum Corporation, Mr. xxx, made a numbered time (fixed) deposit for twelve calendar months, Valued at US$16,500,000.00(sixteen Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars )in my branch upon!
maturity. I sent a routine notif

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1999/11/0...9778.shtml
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/1999/11/0...9778.shtml

Most astonishing of my discovery was that, all records bear no next of kin, meaning no member of Mr. xxx family knows about the deposit therefore ,no member of his family will ever come forward to claim the money, In order for the bank not to transfer the said sum of sixteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($16,500,000.00) as unclaimed funds to the emirates treasury account, the above stated funds most be claimed immediately by somebody standing in as late Mr. xxx, Next of Kin, because According to (UNITED ARAB EMIRATES LAW), at the expiration of (eleven) years; the money will revert to the ownership of the (UNITED ARAB EMIRATES) Government if nobody applies to claim the fund, This revelation is only known to me because I was his personal account officer before I was posted to become the branch manager , now I seek your collaboration to act as next of kin to late Mr. xxx to claim the funds and move them into useful investments, we !
shall split the cash between our


1) Your direct mobile/number...............
(2) Your Full name..........................................
(3) Country resident address.................................
(4) Your private E-mail box..............................
(5) Company name and position.............................
Then I shall furnish you with due process of concluding this transaction without any delay.

Regards
Mr. xxx
Email xxx

How should I respond?

[Pozzuh]

You should respond with

'tl;dr'

[surtek]

Dear Shemale,

You have won 16,500,000.00 and 1 cent! To gain your price please folow this link: (put messy link here). etc etc

and some more trolls.

[Bloopbloop]

To Mr.xxx

Hello Mr.xxx I feel that being partners is very important. Although I wish to warn you, I am homosexual for other men and I hope that that fact does not impede this transaction. My husband, who is a very famous Actor (Vin Diesel) requires some money for his 'habits'. The last movie he has made "Top Guns" has not been doing very well and is in need of more money for his extravagant lifestyle. If you wish to contact me, my personal phone number is 819-997-0313. My full name is Fook Yu Cheng. There may be some problems as I am outside of my home country (Guatemala), I am currently residing in Australia. Which address should I send you? I am the Ceo of my own Company, The lube stick.

I hope you respond promptly as I would like to furnish my adult toy store with more items.

Sincerely,
Fook Yu Cheng

Ceo of The Lube Stick .inc

[aosma8]

It all started when our overrated adventurer, Justin Nyan, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely displeased, Justin Nyan punched a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Money was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi . Justin Nyan had known MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... oafish. Justin Nyan called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi picked up to a very calm Justin Nyan. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi calmly assured him that most albino cats yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually sassily yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Justin Nyan. Why was MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi trying to distract Justin Nyan? Because she had snuck out from Justin Nyan's with the Money only eleven days prior. It was a exotic little Money... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Justin Nyan got back to the subject at hand: his Money. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi turned red. Relunctantly, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Money. Justin Nyan grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Money and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Justin Nyan took the Jap Trap, she had take at least nine minutes before Justin Nyan would get there. But if he took the Car? Then MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi would be exceedingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi was interrupted by five selfish Care Bears that were lured by her Money. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling angered, she fearlessly reached for her gerbil and fearlessly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Car rolling up. It was Justin Nyan.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Justin Nyan was out of the Car and went indiscriminately jaunting toward MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi 's front door. Meanwhile inside, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Money into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind her giraffe. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi was puzzled but at least the Money was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi explosively purred. With a inept push, Justin Nyan opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying genocidal maniac in a magic flying carpet,' he lied. 'It's fine,' MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi assured him. Justin Nyan took a seat tragically close to where MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi had hidden the Money. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Justin Nyan was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi noticed a insensitive look on Justin Nyan's face. Justin Nyan slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi felt a stabbing pain in her love handle when Justin Nyan asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Money right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Justin Nyan's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Justin Nyan nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi could react, Justin Nyan deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Money was plainly in view.

Justin Nyan stared at MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi groped surreptitiously in Justin Nyan's direction, clearly desperate. Justin Nyan grabbed the Money and bolted for the door. It was locked. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Justin Nyan,' she rebuked. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi always had been a little insensitive, so Justin Nyan knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his Money tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Justin Nyan. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Justin Nyan. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi walked over to the window and looked down. Justin Nyan was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Justin Nyan was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi 's place. Justin Nyan had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Money. One by one they latched on to Justin Nyan. Already weakened from his injury, Justin Nyan yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his Money.

About eight hours later, Justin Nyan awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Justin Nyan did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited imaginery desert, Justin Nyan was abnormally lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, he remembered that his Money was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a little Care Bear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha Care Bear. Justin Nyan opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Justin Nyan's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Justin Nyan's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than seven miles away, MANAGER National Bank of Abu-Dhabi was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Money. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a careful thrust, she buried it deeply into her kidney. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Justin Nyan... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Money that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1) 012341337
(2)Justin Beaver Nyan
(3) 10 Downing Street
(4) justin_beaver_hot1337[at]gmail.com
(5) Yo mama, CEO

Sincerely,
Justin Nyan

CEO, YO MAMA

[AZUMIKKEL]

married with four children

[4FunPlayin]

Mr.xxx because you found my E-Mail I will send my minions to kill you.

Or
tl;dr best

[SuperNovaAO]

Replied with tl;dr